I'm Tired All the Time, and It's the Best
I can't remember ever feeling this worn out.
I've done two-a-days soccer practice in South Georgia summer. I've had a job landscaping. I've taken 20 college credits while leading two campus organizations. I've done a lot of things. But I can't recall a time in my life where I've ever felt this perpetually exhausted. I love it.
I've been putting in 70+ hour weeks since the new year. People have done more and been better, I know. This isn't a competition, just what I've been doing. I've been spending ~40 hours on Text Request and ~30+ on figuring out my own stuff. Does it all feel like work? No. Well, not when I'm doing it, at least.
Doing anything creative is simultaneously really enjoyable (which makes it restorative), and very draining (which makes it a paradox). I'm a writer who's in marketing. Creating is pretty much all I've been doing, which means that I'm really enjoying myself and really draining myself. It's a fun case study in conditioning, really.
Let's say you currently live a sedentary lifestyle. Getting reasonably fit is going to start out really tough, but over time running a mile or two becomes easier and easier. That's not what happens with creating (subjectively speaking, not scientifically).
Creating holds the same amount of difficulty on day one as it does on day - what am I on now? - day 113. But doing all of this is the most self-actualized and fulfilled I've felt since getting married. It's great!
I'm watching myself develop, getting better - however marginally - week over week. I'm watching my followers increase. I'm getting more engagement from more readers. People are reaching out to me. I love it!
It's amazing - and lucky - because I'm putting in what feels like a lot of effort, and I'm able to see growth directly related to that effort. What more could I ask for?
Sleeping in doesn't seem to help, nor going to bed early. I feel like I'm slowly killing myself, but I keep wanting to do more. The paradox of creating has me hooked, and it's the best.